August 10, 2017



Telling a white lie to your child every now and then is certainly not a bad thing. In some cases, namely Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy, bending the truth can actually inspire a sense of wonder and their own creativity. For some, more importantly, it can keep them on their best behaviour if they know that the presents under the tree are at stake.

Other times, fibbing is the only way to get young stubborn minds moving in the right direction (away from the TV and onto the dishes). How do you get your children to behave? How do you get them to eat brussel sprouts (is this still a point of contention?). When everything else fails, our inner child provides a very convenient solution: lies.

 

Here are some of the greatest lies ever told to children.... 

1. House On Fire

My dad used to tell me the house was on fire whenever we needed to go to school early. He would say to me and my brother "grab only what you need to survive kids" and we would be ready to go in a jiffy.

 

2. Transformers In The Radio - That Old Chestnut

I told my kids that changing the radio station would upset the transformers in the vehicle and they would take action if they didn't stop.

 

3. The Wind Will Change Your Face

My mum used to tell me that the my face would stay funny if I didn't stop pulling faces when the wind changed (which was apparently all the time).

 

4. Popeye Power From Spinach

We were told that eating spinach could give us enough power to lift the house - so after dinner, mum would usher us outside and get us to lift the house and she said every time "it just moved, now go finish your spinach".

 

5. I'll Tell You When You're 15

Whenever I asked too many questions or overheard something inappropriate from my step father and enquired, he would say "I'll tell you when you're 15..." By the time I turned 15, I asked him "what about all those things you were going to tell me?" He replied "I can't remember.."

 

6. 10,000 Words a Month

I was told that every person gets 10,000 words per month and if you reach your quota, you can't speak until the new month. Every time I was especially talkative, my dad would say "be careful now, you must be around 9900 words" - that would keep me quiet. 

 

7. Smelling Farts Is Good For You

My grandma told us that smelling each others farts would make us stronger. That was the worst Christmas for us, but the funniest for her. 

 

8. Pulp Fiction, Got Juice? 

My dad said that "pulp fiction" was a documentary about orange juice so I wouldn't watch it. 

 

9. Lies Are Still Love?

My mother never told us any lies because she never spoke to us... she only ever said "eat your beans! you ungrateful urchin!"

 

10. Get To The Moon

My dad said that the only way to get to the moon was to keep your room tidy in the hopes aliens would take note of your discipline and take you on their ship. I kept it up for a few years before I realised what was going on.